Love is Patient

I oringinally started this blog to have a place to put an essay about my kids. Maggie was not my kid. I know some people think of their pets that way, but I never really have.

I have not told the kids that Maggie is dead. They have been with Eric for the weekend and I have really appreciated the privacy for my grief. I am melancholy - Friday especially was hard for me - and I cry randomly which is ok, but kind of embarassing and I just want to be alone. I don't want a kid climbing on me and asking me about it. I will tell them about Maggie tonight and I am sure that we will all cry, but really, she was my dog and I feel this the most, I am sure. She was older than any of the kids. They have never lived without her. She has not been real present in past years though. Anna was at the house yesterday for a short while and did not even notice that Maggie and her bed were not there.

Yesterday I progressed to the point where I could joke about it a little. Bill and I joked back and forth with made up memories about her. "I'll miss going for runs with Maggie," I said, when in fact, she was a toy breed dog and never went for a run with me. "And last night I kept expecting to hear her come up the stairs to get into bed with me." (The reality is that my dog has been in declining health for some time and that she has never climbed the stairs at this house. She lived mostly in the kitchen by choice. She slept in a little bed on the floor by the heating vent.)

Although I found Maggie at a gas station along a rural highway and brought her home with me 17 years ago, I have always felt that it was she that found me. So we can plan what our next pet will be, but it is also possible that the next pet will find me. It would be easier to find me if I was at the Humane Society, but I promised Bill that I would stay away from there for the time being.

The reading and homily at church last night was about love. It was a fitting tribute to my dear, sweet Maggie. I think that any example of love on Earth can be positive and celebrated. I am not interested in animal souls or Pet Heaven or any of those things. Pets and humans should be judged by their contribution to life and society and Earth. This really is the kind of love that I had with Maggie. She gave to me for years - adjusted when the kids came and took my time, put up with moves and other pets and long work hours and going to the kennel instead of vaction - she loved me. I was happy to give love back to her. In the end what we really need is a warm place to lay down and someone to clean up our pee and make sure our food is soft enough to eat. And she would lift her head when I came in the room even when she was too sore or tired to lift the rest of her body.

Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.