Why I Hate Disneyworld

After arriving in South Beach, the kids and I immediately changed into swimsuits and hit the beach. They had never seen or swam in the ocean before and they made up for it quickly. They caught on to the rhythm of the waves and experimented with jumping over, crouching under and smashing through waves. They walked and ran on the beach. They exhausted themselves.

We showered, dressed, and went in search of dinner which ended up being a long walk around South Beach looking at stores and people and trying different food (French sandwiches, Italian gelato, sushi, Cuban bread, and fresh fruit were all consumed.) When we got back to the hotel we were exhausted. We took turns using the tiny bathroom and Anna tuned in South Park on TV. (I will note here that it is one of my favorite shows (brilliant), but not suitable for children. I really don't allow my children to watch South Park, but we did end up watching South Park that night. I was tired? We were on vacation?) It was Satan's Birthday (Halloween) and he was having an elaborate party that included a Ferrari cake. Well, he never got a Ferrari cake and he throws a temper tantrum. "I wanted a Ferrari cake!"

We went to sleep. Frank and I got up for sunrise and walked on the beach and then to the store for some breakfast. Frank insisted that his sister liked Total cereal, so I dutifully bought Total cereal. When we got back to the room the girls were still asleep. We coaxed them awake and I began passing out the little individual servings of cereal and Anna said, "Total? I don't like Total." "I'm sorry," I said. "Yech. I didn't know you were getting cereal or I would have told you what kind I wanted." All of a sudden Mary, from her pile of blankets said very clearly in a whiny voice, "I wanted a Ferrari cake!" The tension broke and we all laughed. A theme was born. It was your turn to sit in the back? You didn't get as many conch fritters as everyone else? Someone used your towel to dry off and then left it crumpled in the sand? Someone moved your piece of coral and now you couldn't find it? Someone was bound to whine, "I wanted a Ferrari cake!" It became our theme.

Disney is forced or created memory. It assumes that there is a formula for fun and they cash in on guilt and parental concern that their children have happy vacations that they will "remember forever." It's creepy to buy into the idea that you can "create memories." It's not enough to just go to Disney, you have to make it extra special with extra expensive breakfasts with Cinderella? The created international experience reminds me of the Chicago World's Fair. Which is fine, really, but it is expensive and it does not always work out the way that parents think. Children remember what they remember and we have little control over what that is. Little kids really just want to be with their parents. And while older kids need more entertainment, it is certainly available in more authentic venues. I have driven to the mountains with a teen who would not get out of the van and chose to read a book instead. I dragged that same teen to the ocean and she found herself quite taken with the fish and water. I remember overhearing a father at the Henry Doorly Zoo yelling at his son, "I spent $120 to get into the zoo and you're going to enjoy it! Now let's look at the lions!" and as a parent I felt bad for him. I wanted to laugh. I mean, I have been there even if I haven't said it quite so bluntly.

The theme of vacations is discovered and created by those on them. When money and time become compromised, parents get stressed. We want a return for our money and time, dammit! Enjoy yourself and have happy memories! I prefer themes to be organic and meaningful. We now have an inside joke that works like magic on crabbiness. It is hard not to giggle when your sibling is calling you out on your bad behavior by imitating Satan.

So, to recap, skip Disney and watch Southpark. Lea is a judgmental, superior parent who thinks Disney should be enjoyed but not be endured. If you don't want to go or can't afford to go, then find something else. It really is ok. Your kids will be ok. Let them whine about Disney.

"I wanted a Ferrari cake!"

Customer Service

Florida Wins.

I don't know what it was exactly - the time of year (late October - not a lot of tourists) or concern about their reputation from the oil spill (the beaches were pristine - not ones that were actually harmed, but there are a lot of misperceptions out there, I think). In some ways it reminded me a bit of my trip to New Orleans in the spring after Hurricane Katrina (that was great customer service, too). I had my kids with me (they were on Fall Break) and the kids were the object of much of our special attention. I think they were a bit of a rarity at this time of year?

From the moment we got our rental car (upgraded to a Mustang convertible by the charming man at National Car Rental who wanted my kids to "travel in style"), we were treated well. "Well don't you all look good," said the woman at the parking garage as we pulled into the Florida sun with the top down.

To my surprise I had no trouble navigating the Miami interstate and highways. We drove along the coast and I found our hotel in South Beach easily.

Even better than Miami was the Keys. We were given beach suggestions by our waitress in Islamorada right down to the mile marker. Those of us driving yielded to pedestrians and bikes at a leisurely pace. No one was in a hurry. We went through a drive thru one night coming back from sunset on the beach and the fast food worker smiled at us as he gave us our Frostys and said, "Having a good vacation?" Seriously?! I usually consider it good service at a drive thru to get a grunt and have the food tossed directly in the car. :-)

Frank found a coconut on the beach and cracked it open with a piece of coral. A man stopped to help him pull it apart finally and suggested that I take Frank to "Ana's" later in the day for a coconut. "$3 and they'll open it for you," he advised me as he gave me brief directions.

The elderly Cuban men at the coffee stand were horrified when they realized that I was behind them and they put their order on hold so I could get my coffee ("Un cafe cubano, por favor.") first. I was charmed. "Gracias." "De nada," I was assured.

I think what I liked the most is that the interaction was perfect. It was genuine and it did not last too long. The man helping Frank with the coconut for example was helpful and polite and went on his way. It was also very consistent throughout Southern Florida. I have traveled across the country and never quite felt this type of hospitality. It felt worth noting.

Arising at 6am

Earnest Hemingway is one of my son's favorite writers. He picked up _The Old Man and the Sea_ last summer and to my surprise, he read it and enjoyed it. He and his mentor have moved on to a couple of other Hemingway novels and Frank relates stories of fishing and bull fighting and hunting. He grasps what I think is most complicated about Hemingway - the expression inherent in the story that is not specifically stated. While watching Star Trek together one night, Frank observed that Hemingway was similar to a Vulcan - everyone has feelings, but not everyone has to act on them or talk about them.

So when we talked about going to Florida, Frank and I knew that we wanted to go to Hemingway's House, and the girls knew that they did not.

"His writing is simplistic," Anna says. (Her view is actually shared by one of my favorite writers - Nabakov - who commented, "Hemingway writes nice books for boys.")

"He won a Pulitzer Prize," I say.

"You're simplistic!" her brother says.

"Yeah, well, I don't care what prizes he won. I am not going to some stupid museum just because other people think he's a good writer," Anna said.

Mary's objections were a little different. She has political issues with him.

"He was a drunk and killed animals and fish for fun," she said.

"That's true," I say.

"It's a sport!" her brother says.

Ultimately Frank and I set about doing what we wanted our first morning in Key West. Frank and I set the alarm to get up for the sunrise. I sat on the beach while Frank walked and explored as the sun came up. We went back to the hotel for breakfast, checked in with the girls (who were still sleeping) and then went to the Hemingway Home.

We got a little lost and asked for directions from a man on the sidewalk.

"We're looking for Hemingway's?," I said.

"He's not home," the man said in deadpan. And then he told us we were close and redirected us.

The tour really was a highlight for me. Frank and I loved the cats and the pictures of fishing. We enjoyed the stories about Hemingway's relationship with his various women and his children and pets. I think Frank was the most well versed Hemingway fan on the tour. At the end he and the tour guide talked about the pictures in the hallway and the difference between a sail fish and a marlin.

I learned a lot about Hemingway. His home is a small two story home. He arose every morning at 6am to write in his studio. He wrote until lunchtime and then broke to eat and go fishing. He would then go to Happy Hour at Sloppy Joe's. The bar owner teased him that he bought a house next to the lighthouse so he could always find his way home at the end of the night.

We went back to the hotel to find the girls still lounging around. They had eaten breakfast and been to the pool. We cajoled them to join us at the beach.

"Cats?! I didn't know there were cats!" Mary said when she heard about the Hemingway Cats. She suddenly wished she had come with us.

I could have made them, of course. But it was nice to have quiet time with my easiest kid. I will note that the girls were easy at this age, too. 11 is a nice age - adult-like but not teenager snarky.

Teenagers are kind of like toddlers that don't nap. They were in great moods the rest of the day and I credit it to the extra sleep they got that morning. I am proud that each of my kids know enough about Hemingway to have an opinion about him. Even if it is a grumpy teen-aged girl opinion of him. :-)

Antici...pation!

It's officially a joke now. It's been in The Onion.

Last night I went to The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Joyo. There were 209 people there, which is the largest crowd I have ever seen the movie with. I think of the RHPS in blocks of time.

I saw it at the Westroads Mall in the 80s. We were the only ones with props in those days at the Westroads.

I started going again when I found out about the shadow cast at the Joyo in 2005 or so. You could actually buy a prop kit in the lobby.

I have always been more of a prop person - rice, newspaper, lights, party favors, cards, hotdogs (in the old days at the Westroads before they banned them)...I do have one line that I like and that is at the dinner scene, "What, meatloaf again?!"

They stopped showing RHPS at the Joyo on Saturdays a couple of years ago and decided to run it in October. The response has been phenomenal. They even got a write up in the local paper.

It's not something that everyone understands or embraces. Last night I stopped at the house between a friend's wedding at the midnight show. A few of us decided to hit RHPS after the reception. I toasted bread and looked for rice. Bill shook his head. I could not find rice and ended up bagging quinoa - about 6 bags of it - and made up prop kits for others that might not know to bring stuff. I stopped at Super Saver at 11pm dressed for the show and asked about party favors. "What kind of party are you going to?" asked the amused stocker.

"The Rocky Horror Picture Show," I said.

"I think I have heard of that," he said.

They had party hats. I bought two packs. They didn't have the shaking party favors, so I bought the popping kind.

I showed up at the RHPS by myself and as I walked up to the theater I felt a little self conscious. Everyone was with someone. But then I saw someone I knew and we hugged and got in line. Inside there were more people that I knew. And most importantly, and this is a Rocky Thing, there were people I didn't know.

"You'll need a party hat!" I said as I walked through the theater and handed out hats to people with red "V"s on their cheeks. (I should have bought 10 packs of hats - I had no idea there would be that many people there.) "Do you need a prop kit?" I asked the kids ahead of me as I handed them a trick or treat bucket of newspaper and quinoa, etc.

I sat with some veteran RHPS folks. They knew all the lines. I was grateful that I was able to catch them off guard with some of my props.

"I have rice all over me," Eric said.

"Actually that's quinoa," Justin informed him.

And when I handed out the party poppers they said, "What are these for?"

"Confetti!" I said as Frank and Rocky walked up the stairs to the Wedding March. We popped them and threw the resulting confetti. I think Dr. Frankenfurter would have enjoyed the ceremony.

I gave a ride home to a friend that had never seen RHPS. "I think it would be more fun if I knew what to shout," she said.

"I dunno. I think it should be more organic. If it's going to survive then it needs to change a bit," I said. You know, it's 2010, like, throw quinoa.

I am heartened that the younger generation comes to the show. And I am heartened that some of us still cling to RHPS. It was important to me. It was somewhere to go on a Saturday night. You can go to RHPS and know people and make friends - they are always glad to see you.

I hear that "Glee" is featuring RHPS this week. Several of the kids around me were talking about it. They knew about RHPS without having actually seen it.

I've never seen a single episode of "Glee." I think that makes me a Glee Virgin?

My Child Won't Be Left Behind

I have been thinking this week about an interview I recently heard with Barack Obama. When asked why his daughters didn't go to a DC public school, and in fact, go to a very elite private school, he was unapologetic. The DC public schools are deplorable and he doesn't want his children there. He also made it clear that they are not ok for any child and he would support changes to improve the schools for all children, but for his children, the solution was clear. They're not going there.

Anna changed high schools this fall and although I supported it personally, I struggled with it politically. I worried that I was giving up on my idea of diversity and exposure and also giving up on the assurance that my strong base of parenting - the countless hours reading picture books and baking and going to the park and the museum - could shepard my child through a less than perfect school environment.

I still agree with that idea. But what I have found for my child at the emotional state that she was in, is that it was harmful for her. And I needed to find her a safer place and did.

Yesterday I visited the new high school to bring her some allergy medicine and as I sat in the nurse's office I observed the kids in the hall outside the office and nurse's station. And the thought came to my head that, these are children who went to the zoo with their parents, not with their daycare or school with its carefully designed curriculum to enrich them in ways that their parents cannot do.

I work with impoverished parents every day and I do not mean this as a criticism at all. I know that there are issues much bigger to survival and that trips to the zoo are not at the top of the list when you are homeless or nearly homeless, when you are addicted to drugs, or have mental health problems. I recently met with a woman not dissimilar from me really except that she had found herself homeless and in charge of her daughter with no money or job. As I sat with her I became aware that her purse was stuffed full of framed family photos. She must have taken them off the wall of the house and put them in her purse. I nearly wept.

I am grateful that we have policy makers and educators who know enough about child development to know that they need enriching experiences, but there is a difference between being read to by a volunteer at your school and being read to by your mom. There just is.

I do think it is possible to remain nonjudgmental and loving and support humanity as a whole while at the same time not sacrificing my kid for the cause. I can't say it as well as President Obama, but in my head it sounds like, I want my kids to be with kids who haven't just been to the zoo, but their parents took them to the zoo.